I'm a Rafflesian

It takes hard work to be able to make that statement.

It is even more harder after

But a year has passed and the fog has lifted

I am grateful. I am proud.

I'm a Rafflesian

Deciphering Me

Took an online test about getting to know myself better. The result is surprisingly accurate!

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

mother/daughter

Sore hari. Gw ke kamar mama abis mandi udah keramas seger.

“hey non”

Mama di kasur ternyata.

“ga mandi ma?”

“maleeeeeeesshh”

Tumben, pikir gue. “pantes, skarang aku tau levin itu nurun siapa hahahahaa”

“aku capeeeee abis nyetiiiir” suaranya manja ples males2an.

“ntar kalo mandi jadi seger” lanjutnya.

Gw bingung. “loh ma? Justru itu! Emang mandi biar seger!?” nada gw gatau menegaskan atau jadi mempertanyakan, emang mandi biar apa kalo ga seger?

Kok si mama aneh ya. Udah meringkuk di kasur cape justru harusnya mandi biar seger malah ga mau mandi supaya ga seger. Terus gw becandain gw lemparin guling.

“aku aja udah keramas ma!hehehehe” dengan nada pamer bangga

“sana gih bawa cookie (anjing gw) lari. Biar kering rambutmu”

Buset. Gw bingung lagi. Si mama eror nih? “kering? Keringet iya kali ma”

Fine. Nyerah deh. Gw kluar aja, lagi bersemangat pengen nulis di taman juga.

“ya udah deh ma, dadaa”

Udah ga ada gw, mama bolak-balik badan di kasur, sambil meluk gulingnya “aaahh bobo aaahhh enak-enyaaaaaakkk”

Dan gw cuma bisa ngakak, “buset ini mana yang mama mana yang anak sih?”

pasukan kecil

michelle and bella

Udah 3 hari ada anak-anak kecil di kompleks pada main ke rumah gue. Awal mulanya, gue yang sangat health-conscious mulai berasa guilty feeling gara2 kebanyakan makan di indo. Ahirnya satu sore gue ajak cookie, anjing gue lari2. Eh, di jalan, ketemu anak kecil lagi main sepeda! Pada tertarik sama cookie. Gue ajak kenalan dan gw ajak main ke rumah!

Masuk ke taman di rumah gw, mereka berdecak kagum “waaaahh kakak rumahnya ada taman nya guede bangeeeet!” “aku ga pernah tau ada rumah segede ini disini!” gw yang mendengarnya cuma tersenyum simpul aja.

Terus gw ajak mereka liat binatang2 peliharaan yang ada di rumah. “yang bener kak? Ada bebek sama ayam di rumah kakak? KEREN BANGET!” yang lain nyeletuk “ih kakak rumahnya kayak tempat wisata deh!” “iyaiyaaaa kayak tempat wisata digabung taman bunga digabung restoran!” sementara itu gue cuma nyengir2 aja.

“kok aku ga pernah liat kakak sih? Eh emang kakak lagi libur yaa kok bisa sore2 main?”

“ Aku emang lagi libur kan aku sekolahnya di Singapur”

“ooh beasiswa gitu ya kak?”

“iya”

“ya ampuuuun kakak hebat banget! Aku aja belom pernah ke singapur!”

Seneng rasanya dibuntutin anak2 kecil seolah gue lah sumber pengetahuan dan segalanya. Ibarat induk bebek dan anak2nya yang mengekori membentuk satu barisa. Kepala mereka manggut2 lucu atas setiap apa yang gw bilang ke mereka. Mereka berebutan mau crita ke gue sampe teriak2 dan kalo mo ngomong pada angkat tangan dulu “giliran ku kak! Giliran ku!”

Gw jadi mikir. Pertama, kadang kita ga pernah berasa seberapa beruntungnya kita sampe ada orang lain yang melihat apa yang kita punya lalu berdecak kagum. Gw ngerasa banget. Semua respon mereka atas apa yang gw milikin bikin gw bener2 bersyukur sama apa yang Tuhan udah kasih gw. Kalo gw jadi mereka, mungkin gw juga akan ber’wow-wow’ atas yang si ‘Kakak Nia’ punyain. Tapi, menjadi diri gw sendiri, rasanya yaaa biasa aja. Malah kadang kita sebagai manusia ingin jadi orang lain. Intinya, gw mulai put myself in people’s shoes dan mulailah menyadari dengan sepenuhnya betapa beruntungnya gw. And i guess we all should do that, too

Kedua, gw jadi mikir, betapa ‘sibuknya’ gw sekarang sampe gw ‘lupa’ ada kebahagiaan yang begitu mendalam yang timbul di hati, seakan meluap dari memori lama akan masa kecil gw yang begitu riang, seperti anak2 kecil ini. Dan gw seakan menemukan kebahagiaan masa kecil gw itu kembali, saat gw spend time sama anak2 ini. Seriusan, hepi banget. Gw bisa nyengir2 sendiri, heboh sendiri, and i find myself jumping running shouting happily, ga inget umur.

Jam6. Mereka udah harus pulang. “kakak! Besok main lagi yaaa! Jam4 yaaa! Soalnya besok aku ga ada les. Laoshi ku mau nikah jadi les nya libur. Main ya kaaaak!” “iya kak! Iyaa! Aku juga ga ada peer! Main ya kak, ntar kakak umpetin telor2 di taman trus kita cari ya kak!”

Besoknya, gw mau jalan sama Jo, sahabat gw. Dan jam4 gw akan pulang. gw bakal bawa dia ke rumah untuk gw kenalin sama Pasukan Kecil gue ini :)

what do you want to be?

I had a psychotest today. So much talking about my future and what i wanna be these days. It has something to do with me choosing the right college. Well, it gets me wondering, why people always talk about what they want to be, instead to just be? Right here right now. Just be.

Instead of merely pursuing your future, why dont you just be? live your moment. After all, its “the journey, not the destination” that matters right? I want to just make full use of what i am responsible right now, everyday making small goals and achieving them.

What do i want to be in the future? Cant really label myself – doctor, teacher, scientist, businesswoman? i want to be me. I dont want to be just another doctor, another teacher, you name it. I want to be me. The more mature version of me.

Another thing, when people ask about the future, what do you want to be? Why do people always refer it to career? If you ask me, what do i think of my future? Well, career is just a part of it. Quite integral, but not necessarily central.

I want to find a loving husband. Have little children that’ll brighten my day. Raise them up and be responsible of them. I want to be a mother. I want to have enough money so i can help people. I want to impact – with what i say and do.

Well, i guess for me, its more of the “how” instead of the “what”. But there are different kinds of people, i realized. And lucky for them who know – crystal clear - what they want to be in the future.

I guess i’ll have to start finding one. Meanwhile, i’ll just live my life to the fullest and see what doors of opportunity will be opened for me :)